The Most Antisocial Social Activity
My second-grade teacher introduced me to the concept of having a pen-pal. Our class planned to exchange letters with a school in Massachusetts with the intention of sharing Texas culture with the East Coast. I remember including details of Texas-style barbeque and the annual Houston Rodeo, though I didn’t eat meat and only stopped by the rodeo for the carnival rides. I didn’t know how or what to write to the person who I imagined would become my new best friend. So, I just included random details about Texas, as far from personal as possible. I hoped my pen-pal would see past the superficiality of my letter, and our connection would grow with their response. I’ll never know if the letter’s recipient liked my brain dump of Texas knowledge; I never received a response. I retired from my disappointing and short-lived career of pen-palling afterwards.
People pen-pal for various reasons. Some write letters that traverse oceans and continents, so they can learn more about a foreign country or refine their global language skills. Others like the chance to pull out their stash of stationary supplies and decorate their letters with stickers, calligraphy, and washi tape galore. Personally, I enjoy the experience of writing the letter. It makes me feel like a character in my most cherished classic literature stories. The nostalgia of letter writing reminds me of summer camp and black-and-white movies and makes my heart tingle.
I’ve written to a fair share of pen pals over the years after my first disastrous experience. I met a girl from Oklahoma at a creative writing summer workshop. We talked about our shared love of letters and young adult novels, and decided to exchange addresses once the workshop ended. Just like that, I had a pen-pal! We wrote back and forth for a few months, then our exchange fizzled out like a flat can of soda. Our letters didn’t last long, but I reminisce on my first successful pen-palling experience with fond memories.
A few months ago, an old friend from middle school reached out to me, saying she had starting reconnecting with lost friends through the postal service. I’d sit at my desk crafting letters to her, my pen recalling embarrassing middle school stories and updates on high school. We even met for bubble tea after writing a few letters back and forth. We talked as if three years hadn’t passed us by. This pen-palling endeavor didn’t last long either; we switched to texting each other and sharing poems over the internet.
Then, the holy grail opportunity of pen-palling walked into my life. My French teacher announced that our class would write letters to a class of English students in Guérande, a city in France. I’d only heard about having a pen-pal from another country in books and movies, and I couldn’t believe that now I’d get a shot to make a life-long connection with someone who lived an ocean away. I filled my letter with any interesting fact about myself I could think of. I wrote about roller skating, my taste in music, the possibility of studying abroad someday – anything that popped into my head. I wouldn’t repeat my pen-palling mistakes; I made sure to make the letter personable.
I waited a few months for a response. I assumed the worst, that I was doomed repeat another failed correspondence experiment. Just as any hope for a French pen-pal ran dry, I received a response. My pen-pal, Loann, wrote about philosophy and reading, his admiration of Lizzo and things he found interesting about America. He also included his email and Instagram in the letter. I reached out to him immediately.
Before long, we were chatting over Instagram about school, hobbies, and life in general. I wrote my messages in French and he responded in English. I counted talking with Loann as studying for French final, as I spent over an hour the day before my exam chatting with him. I couldn’t have asked for a better French pen-pal, or pen-pal period. It was almost as if we were the same person, only one of us lived in France and the other in Texas. We even added each other as close friends on Instagram. While we don’t talk everyday anymore, I still consider him one of my dearest friends.
Now that I’ve gotten my sappy, pen-palling success story out of the way, I want to convince you, reader, that you should start pen-palling. Take out a piece of paper, brush off your gel pens, and say hello through the page. While services exist to pair you with a pen-pal from around the world, it’s best to be careful with who you share your home address with. Start pen- palling with a best friend. I’ve written countless letters to my friends, stuffing goodies such as tea bags, playlists, and trivia in the envelopes. I’d like to imagine that a surprise envelope in their mailbox puts a smile on their faces. Reach out to a lost friend or post a call for pen-pals on Instagram. Even if people don’t admit it often, reading a letter intended just for you feels special, and they’d most likely be more than welcoming to write a letter or two back and forth. If your pen-palling experiences are anything like mine, it may take quite a few tries to find your pen-palling perfect match. Don’t fret; they’re out there. You’ve just got to keep writing.
People sometimes refer to pen-palling as the most antisocial social activity you can do. I couldn’t agree more. For an introvert like myself, pen-palling lets me exercise my social skills while also charging my being-social battery. Plus, having an international pen-pal lets me view world events from a personal lens.
In second grade, I imagined I’d become best friends with my future pen-pal, maybe one day making the trek to Massachusetts to see them face-to-face. That daydream hasn’t disappeared. I’d love to meet Loann in France one day. Talk about books over a pain au chocolat. This time, I think this fantasy has a shot of coming to fruition.