Drowning

This series explores my thoughts and feelings about growing up. It focuses on my fear about the future. I think about my future often and it's so vast and open. I feel lost and trapped in an ocean of possibilities when I see that the future holds so many paths and choices. So many large changes are coming for me very soon, and I feel like I'm drowning and like they are suffocating me. I have no idea what my future will be. I don’t know what I want for myself, and I feel like I’m constantly reaching for something that is not there. I look for what I want my future to be and I can never feel satisfied with the outcomes I dream up. I feel directionless. Soon I’ll be going off to university, and I will not be living in the house that I have spent my whole life in. I will not have my family around to watch movies with, or to sit down and have talks with, and it makes me feel lonely just thinking about it. I am getting surgery to fix the issues with my jaw soon so my face will have a different structure. I have no idea how I will look after the surgery is done. I have no idea who I’m going to become. Soon I may lose the amazing friends I’ve made throughout high school. The people that I can trust my deepest secrets and feelings with. One of my biggest fears about the future is that they won’t be in it, and I’ll never be able to form the same relationship that we have again. All of this change will happen in the span of one summer, and it terrifies me. Sometimes it’s a lot to handle, and I feel like I am reaching for a future that is non-existent. I am struggling for air with all of this change, and I am drowning in my own inability to grasp the future, like in the photos. I am lost in the expanse of the looming prospect of growing up.