23 Lessons For 23 Years
By the time you’re most likely reading this, I will have celebrated my 23rd birthday on October 8th, 2020. The concept of aging has always overwhelmed me, and it seems to do so even more this year. After all, I spent several months of my 22nd year of life quarantining in the face of a pandemic (definitely not something I could have anticipated happening in my lifetime), and in the months prior to the pandemic, I spent a considerable amount of time working at a 9-5 office job. However, that’s not to say that I didn’t learn a plethora of skills and life lessons. I’ve been lucky enough to lead a life that is always teaching me and challenging me every day, and since my mission as a writer is to create solidarity through stories, I’ve chosen to share some of the most noteworthy lessons that I’ve learned in 23 trips around the sun, in hopes that some of you can learn from the experiences that have shaped me.
You’re not old. 23 years old is not even a quarter through your life. There’s no reason to lament your past or live burdened with regrets. You are still in your youth. Seize every opportunity available to you.
You’re not a teenager anymore, either - you are in control of your own autonomy. While this may seem obvious, it’s easy to lose sight of this when bogged down by the expectations of your family and friends. Always remember that you are in charge of what actions you take on an individual level, and at the end of the day, you’re an adult who is more than capable of moving your own life in the direction you see fit.
You were given a voice in this life for a reason. Tell your story. If you were blessed with the ability to write and create art, use this to share your story with others. Now more than ever, our world needs more art and more storytelling in order to grow and heal as a collective.
Your circle will inevitably become smaller. As you grow older, friendship becomes less about seeing people on a daily basis and more so about the people who will stick by you through thick and thin as your life becomes more oriented towards your personal goals. This isn’t a bad thing, however - just a chance to focus on cultivating the relationships in your life that are there to stay.
Don’t sweat the small stuff (and most of it is small stuff). You’ve gotten through 100% of your worst days. The odds are conspiring in your favor. Even if you’ve had the shittiest day, the sun will rise tomorrow and you have a clean slate of 24 hours to try again.
Be the bigger person, even if it’s difficult as f*ck. Oftentimes, being the bigger person in a falling out or disagreement can be, for lack of more eloquent words, a pain in the ass. However, you owe it to yourself to stay clear-headed and save your energy for the people and situations that are worthy of it.
Being your own boss is possible and achievable (yes, without being part of a pyramid scheme). I, personally, have always felt that I stuck out like a sore thumb in typical work environments. I’ve tried almost everything - retail management, hosting and serving, and 9-5 life, and I did not fit into any of it at all. It discouraged me at first, I won’t lie. However, I knew I was passionate about writing, content creation, and social media strategy. Taking these things into account, I took the leap of faith I’ve wanted to take for years and turned down a 9-5 job I was offered (in Beverly Hills, with benefits and for a prestigious company) to be my own boss instead. I now have four great clients, and it has been the best investment in myself that I have ever made.
Do it now, or forever wish you had. Yes, this is a quote that Christopher Walken’s character says to John Travolta’s character in the iconic 2007 musical film Hairspray, but it genuinely is an adage that I carry with me in my daily life. Tomorrow isn’t technically promised to us - seize the day and take that risk, or spend the rest of your life wishing you did.
When it comes to your work life, be sure to set clear boundaries between your time on the clock and your personal time. The latest I work for my clients is 6-7 PM, unless it is an extreme emergency. Setting boundaries with your work is so important and keeps you from spreading yourself thin!
In the words of the great Courtney Barnett, nobody really cares if you don’t go to the party. After a fleeting 24 hours of likes on an Instagram post, no one will even remember the social happenings of the last week or even the last day. Don’t beat yourself up for wanting to stay in every now and then and not live life for what other people see on their screens.
Resting is a revolutionary act. In a world that is inherently capitalistic and exploitative, resting and recharging is an act of defiance against the outdated system. Take as much time as you need to to rest your body and renew your mind.
Ask for everything you desire - the worst answer you can get is “no”. This one still gives me anxiety at times, but trust me, people will mostly admire you for even having the strength to ask for what you want.
There is so much to be grateful for. It sounds cliche, but if you have a roof over your head, food to eat, clean water to drink, clothes to wear, and a support system, at the end of the day, you’re doing pretty damn good.
You don’t need anyone’s approval in this life. The only person you need to please is yourself. Seriously.
Crying is cool. Emotions are valid and natural, and as human beings, isn’t it so serendipitous that we get to experience a full spectrum of feelings? Own your emotions and all the sensations and experiences that encompass your humanity.
Find your passion, and chase it until you feel nothing but bliss. A very wise friend told me this when I was a mere sixteen years old, and it’s stuck in my mind ever since. At the core of every piece of content I create is my passion and purpose - creating solidarity through stories. Through my passion, I hope to help others to unlock theirs.
If you’re feeling frustrated with the state of your life, give it a year and see what happens. This is more sage advice that a high school friend gave me. If you’re not satisfied with things in your day to day existence, remember that all things must eventually pass, and reflect on where you were 365 days ago and where you ultimately wish to be 365 days from now. This brings me to my next lesson -
Time heals all wounds and changes all perspectives. While I’ve mentioned that the concept of aging stresses me out, I also think that it is such a beautiful thing when time creates distance between you and the things that no longer serve you. Take this as a blessing.
Healing is not a linear process. Some days you will feel on top of the world, and other days, you may need to sit with your sadness and fully address it. The people in your life may not always fully be able to understand, but at the end of the day, you know yourself and your own healing process the best. The journey of healing is never chronological - remember this and let it bring you peace of mind.
Even when things seem stagnant in your life, trust in the magic that is happening behind the scenes, unbeknownst to you. There have been so many seasons of life where I have felt stuck, frustrated, uninspired, hopeless, etc., and little did I know, the universe was conspiring in my favor behind the scenes. All of a sudden, I’d receive a gift in the form of a new client or job offer, an old friend hitting me up out of the blue, a family member reaching out, or being informed of an incredible opportunity suited for me. There is often so much happening in the grand scheme of your life that you can’t see - just trust the process and keep the faith.
All things are delicately interconnected. This quote by my favorite modern artist, Jenny Holzer, is one that I live by. I believe that everything means everything, and I would rather believe that everything is a sign than that nothing is. Every occurence in your lifetime, good or bad, has led you to this moment. The moment that you are living through right now will lead you to a beautiful and divinely timed future. Sit back and trust the flow of it all.
Own every part of your story. I strongly believe that almost all of our individual purposes in this life align with the act of sharing our own unique story. I achieve this through the written word; however, it is beautiful and inspiring to witness the other mediums through which humans practice the art of storytelling. Everything that has happened to you in this lifetime is a part of your story - own this and celebrate it.
All that you need to be when you’re 23 is yourself. This is actually close to the title of a song by the band Free Cake For Every Creature, “All You Gotta Be When You’re 23 Is Yourself”. This song popped up on my Spotify daily mix about a month ago, and the lyrics both fit the themes I have experienced in my life thus far and also reassure me, letting me know that it’s okay to be 23 and young and broke and definitely headstrong. It’s okay to be unsure and to know everything and nothing simultaneously. It is okay to just be.
Displaced, thoughts racing, do i
Settle down or keep moving
I am 23 years old today
Where's my birthday cake?
Cause all you gotta be
When you're 23
Is yourself
Call yourself an artist,
Work part-time at whole foods
It's all good
Wear stupid lookin' shoes
Defuse left-over teenage blues
It's all god
I intend for 23 to be a year of formative personal growth and learning. While I already know that the year will be messy and imperfect, I’m taking it all in stride as part of this crazy journey I’m so lucky to be on. Here’s to another trip around the sun - and all of the lessons, experiences, memories, writable moments, and beauty that the next year will bring.