On Galaxies and Constellations

Sometimes when I look at the clear night sky and notice the dimly twinkling stars, I think of the time I was 6 and watched the moon follow me as the car moved uphill to the end of the street. I think about the blinding headlights and the lackluster streetlights that hovered over me as I commuted home when I was 11. At 14, I tried to memorize where the constellations were for that night and see how different the stars were placed the following night. I would fantasize about how the girl I liked would be looking at the same sky, at the same time as I was. Though— I never really knew— nor will I ever know at all.

Thinking about these moments right now make me feel nostalgic and maudlin. Those memories would eventually be forgotten, the way your old house looked like it would eventually fade away, and how the feeling of the fabric of your favorite worn-out tee would become irrelevant and be replaced with a better, more promising quality. All we really remember are times that impacted us the most, and how those emotions, faces, and places continue to gradually wash away from our brains and change to something different.

I’ve never really been okay with forgetting, which is ironic for someone who forgets things so easily. It requires so much energy to remember, but I would use up all the energy in my entire body just so I would not forget that significant moment when I felt whole. 

The pains of growing in this fast-paced society causes us to keep moving, distract ourselves, and inevitably forget about the past and focus more-so on our futures. The idea of looking back kind of helps us remember, and slowly accept that this would be forgotten eventually. No matter how much we promise that we will remember this moment for the rest of our lives, sometimes we don’t remember the specifics, rather, we recall the vague parts and maybe some tidbits of the event-- but not the entire thing. 

In the end, every single moment is like a shooting star that we’ll only see once in a lifetime. It never repeats the same exact way no matter how much of a routine it is. Even though we can’t keep all the stars of memories in our pockets, all we could really do is to bask in the beauty of the galaxies upon galaxies that lie beyond what can be seen. You could connect the dots of life and form a beautiful constellation that reflect a nebula of events, images, and reminders that can prompt a series of nostalgia in your head.