What Soft Means to Me
Growing up I think one of the worst things you believe someone can call you is sensitive. I know that you may be at a point where you no longer think that or you resinat with what I just said , but in the end we still were taught that somehow being a sensitive person makes you weak. With the weather changing I have recently felt something I can only ever described as “soft”. It’s not the feeling of love but content and it's not the feeling of warmth but is the feeling of being wrapped up in a blanket. I refuse to believe that no one else has never felt this. I think we all have these moments of “softness”. Wether is comes when the season change or whether it comes everyday, or whether it only comes once a year. It’s a feeling I have chosen to grip on to.
Being soft is being the pinnacle of sensitive. You are fully open and fully present. To achieve both of these things there is a level of vulnerability you have to learn. It's like the inside of a hard boiled egg. We have the shell, then we have a tough but soft exterior, then we have the yolk. The yolk can be full on its own but any level of getting stepped on completely crushes it. To be soft is to live as the yolk inside the egg. Though we have a form of safety we choice to know the parts of ourselves that aren't as tough as the other parts. Because we choose to know ourselves and our lives fully.
To feel soft is to fully experience the feeling of comfort to me. Because euphoria is a strong feeling but its high happiness. To be soft is to feel the moments of stillness. Being soft is the feeling we get listening to a song with headphones, where as euphoria is hearing it blasted at a concert. Life is a rollercoaster and to say you can’t experience the inbetweens of ups and downs would be a waste of time. Because in the end what if birth was your highest high and death your lowest low, that would only make your life as a beginning and end. Softness is choosing the things that make you yourself. Its doing what you want when no one is looking. It's experiences you have alone. Feelings are hard to put into words, but you may now ask yourself why does being sensitive have to do with being soft.
How can we live a full life without sensitivity? The answer is you can’t. You need to be vulnerable, you need to be open, and you need to be sensitive enough to choose to feel all the part of life. No matter what, even if you know that you cry when life gives you a pinch. Because being able to deal with it is a lot harder than letting the egg keep its shell. Being sensitive is being strong enough to be soft. It's when we let yourself melt over someone we don’t know fully, its having a 1am dance party alone because that is just what you want to do. It’s those small moments of what growing into who you are is made up of.
I think to me sensitivity and this feeling of being soft is a very feminie part. Maybe that is from living in a society that views us as weak or maybe it is because we live in a society that doesn’t allow boys to cry. To me it's the balance of what some may say, two spirit or the Yin and Yang. The idea of balancing femininity and masculinity within oneself. It’s coming to peace with the parts of femininity that aren’t all looks. It the feeling of being strongly yourself, and being able to sit with all that part self in one body. It’s like a pink blush washing over your skin. We have other time for blue and a lot of the time we have to appear blue to be respected, but there are moments of all consuming pink we may not talk about.
Maybe this is a feeling only I have, or maybe it’s not. But these softest moments are what I am made up of and if that makes me sensitive than I am the strongest sensitive person I know.